I have finished writing my main section and have printed it and and I am now planning to evaluate it so that I can see what needs to be improved when I edit and proof read it.
What Went Well
What Could Be Improved
What I Need to Edit
After reading through both my dissertation and the above evaluation I have made the following notes about problems with each individual section/paragraph (black pen) and possible solutions to these (red pen):
What Went Well
- I have linked every single paragraph back to my question/title which means that generally my dissertation is focused which is good
- It is filled with examples and evidence supporting my points. This adds weight to my arguments and improves them
- I have used a variety of sources (particularly secondary ones) which demonstrates that it has been highly researched
- Every single paragraph has a topic sentence which introduces the argument and makes the dissertation's topic clearer than they would be without them
- In mini-introductions to different sections I often link with the previous section which makes the dissertation flow and demonstrates that it is a cohesive work
- Spelling seems
What Could Be Improved
- It is 13549 words long and whilst length shouldn't be an issue I needed to ensure that it was quality as well as quantity and I fear that isn't the case. In some areas I feel that I have definitely waffled and could be a lot more concise which would not only help me cut my dissertation down to a more manageable size but also help with its overall coherency
- In some paragraphs I need to be clearer and more explicit in explaining why the area being discussed affects the extent to which Alexander deserves his epithet, I do it for every paragraph but in some places it isn't as clear as it should be
- Generally the topic sentences are good but for a few they are a bit confused, again I need to consider my phrasing and maybe consider breaking them down into smaller sentences rather than long confusing ones
- I have used lots of examples which is good but in some places, such as the military section's sixth paragraph, I have often used every single example available to me and explained them all individually. This would be more concise and clearer if I either use fewer examples or merge them together as one big example so I am not writing about each one individually which makes the paragraphs lose their fluidity and is often quite repetitive
- Leading on from the above point I also have to make sure that my paragraphs aren't simply narrative, they need to obviously contain an argument or it wouldn't be that good of a dissertation
- Rather than writing BCE after every date I could simply have a statement in the abstract or something saying that all dates, unless stated otherwise, are BCE - this is what academics do and so could make it more professional
- In some conclusions, such as the one for the military section, I have brought in another source and opinion. Whilst a variety of sources are good re-reading my dissertation I find that conclusions get a bit confused if more are added. The mini-conclusions at the end of each section need to summarise everything said previously not add anything new
- In places I possibly put in unwanted information. I have to be careful considering this because it may simply be contextual, however elsewhere it may not be contributing anything to the argument. For instance in the generalship section I mention Philotas' fall from grace to explain why Alexander needed a new cavalry officer and I wonder if this was needed?
- In many places there is repetition and overlap in regards to the section on Alexander's character
What I Need to Edit
- Need to make sure topic sentences are stating exactly what the paragraph is about i.e. simply put and not too long so as they don't get muddled. This could be achieved by removing quotes from them (e.g. military section's paragraph 7) stating the point I want to make and then putting the quote in afterwards to be explained
- Need to make sure that the Point Evidence Explain structure is clear throughout, particularly the explain part = always need to answer the question, this should also help me avoid being to narrative in my dissertation
- Leading on from the above point I also need to consider my use of evidence by making sure it is not repetitive and is as concise as possible. Don't use all examples possible when one or two will do which will keep my dissertation focused and flowing nicely
- Replace BCEs with the statement described above
- Check all mini-conclusions and make sure they don't add anything not previously mentioned to ensure clarity of argument
- Make sure all included information is relevant and contributing something to the paragraph
- The issues with overlap and repetition surrounding the character section could be solved simply by rather than having a separate section for it threading it throughout the dissertation as the argument itself is very simple (megalomaniac or magnanimous) which would solve this problem and potentially give the dissertation greater fluidity as the character section does seem a bit tacked on the end
After reading through both my dissertation and the above evaluation I have made the following notes about problems with each individual section/paragraph (black pen) and possible solutions to these (red pen):