DRAFT 4
I have since got some feedback from people I've asked to read my email over and the general consensus is that I need to condense it and make it easy to read. I understand this completely because academics are very busy and would want somehting succinct so they know exactly what they are reading, why they are reading it and what they need to do in response. I have therefore decided to number my questions to make them clear and condense my introductory paragraph, the final paragraph I have left the same because both myself and the other people who have read it for me are happy with it.
Dear Professor xxxx
I am writing to you because I have recently read an article published on the Forbes website, co written by you and Paul Cartledge, titled ‘How Great a General was Alexander?’ (http://www.forbes.com*****). I found this incredibly interesting and as an A Level student completing an Extended Project Qualification, for which I am writing a dissertation, titled To what extent does Alexander III of Macedon deserve his epithet of ‘great’?” it is also extremely relevant to my current studies. I would therefore really appreciate your help if you could answer the following questions, both about your article and Alexander in general:
Yours Sincerely,
Robyn ******
Sixth Form College
I believe this is a vast improvement because it is so much more to the point - the numbering in particular keeps it focused and easy to read.
From this experience I have learnt that it is good to have other people proofread your work because they will pick up on things you miss out; that you must be formal when writing emails such as these i.e. don't call them by their first names until they sign off as such; that to end an email where you know the person's name you use sincerely and that emails like these should be to the point and clear all the way through. This should help me if I find any other academics to email or if this one emails back.
Once again the only problem I fear is that he won't reply to me, to overcome this I will try and find more academics so I can get some primary research.
I have since got some feedback from people I've asked to read my email over and the general consensus is that I need to condense it and make it easy to read. I understand this completely because academics are very busy and would want somehting succinct so they know exactly what they are reading, why they are reading it and what they need to do in response. I have therefore decided to number my questions to make them clear and condense my introductory paragraph, the final paragraph I have left the same because both myself and the other people who have read it for me are happy with it.
Dear Professor xxxx
I am writing to you because I have recently read an article published on the Forbes website, co written by you and Paul Cartledge, titled ‘How Great a General was Alexander?’ (http://www.forbes.com*****). I found this incredibly interesting and as an A Level student completing an Extended Project Qualification, for which I am writing a dissertation, titled To what extent does Alexander III of Macedon deserve his epithet of ‘great’?” it is also extremely relevant to my current studies. I would therefore really appreciate your help if you could answer the following questions, both about your article and Alexander in general:
- In assessing Alexander’s military greatness I would like to evaluate his enemy and you stated that the Persians were a “paper tiger”. In your opinion does facing poor opposition lessen Alexander’s greatness or can he still be considered a great general despite the shortcomings of the enemy?
- How do you believe Alexander’s attempts to unify the people he subjugated with the Macedonians and Greeks impacted on his greatness?
- What do you believe it means to be great and what does an individual have to be/do to be considered so?
- Is there something in particular which you believe is decisive in making Alexander deserve his epithet or not deserve it?
Yours Sincerely,
Robyn ******
Sixth Form College
I believe this is a vast improvement because it is so much more to the point - the numbering in particular keeps it focused and easy to read.
From this experience I have learnt that it is good to have other people proofread your work because they will pick up on things you miss out; that you must be formal when writing emails such as these i.e. don't call them by their first names until they sign off as such; that to end an email where you know the person's name you use sincerely and that emails like these should be to the point and clear all the way through. This should help me if I find any other academics to email or if this one emails back.
Once again the only problem I fear is that he won't reply to me, to overcome this I will try and find more academics so I can get some primary research.